Don’t Ever Lower Your Standards

A few days ago I sent Jason a video of Sedi and I laughed at his response, “…just like mommy.” I’ll get to my point soon. Desmond said today while we were in FaceTime for me to take a photo before I rebraided my hair because we were “twinning.” And someone shared she has many of the same mannerisms that I have.

I’ve always manifested what I’ve wanted. I’ve shared before that sometimes I attempt to see the good in people and try to help them change. That was actually in my first blog and many after that. Sedi and I went to an event yesterday. My soror shared she heard about me and told me how proud she was of me. Honestly, I needed that. Y’all, I’ve been struggling. I’ve been playing in my head some days, how in the hell did I end up with a baby daddy from hell? Yeah, they say you should never talk about the childs other parent in front of them and you should not bad mouth the other parent, but every so often, I keep wondering how in the hell did we even make it beyond Cracker Barrel? That was the first place we went. And as I think about it, I was in a low place. I was going through a litigation for discrimination and that was my first time being alone. I didn’t have Anthony, I was in Nashville and while I was enjoying my time there, I was not “Ki.” I was not that chick that drove an Elantra name “Ragene.” Have y’all ever watched “In Living Single?” I actually wore my Maxine Shaw Attorney at Law shirt today! You could not have told me that my Elantra was not a luxury car!

I think back to a few months before us going to Cracker Barrell and all that happened. I remembered Lou coming to visit. I remember calling Jason crying. I remember how difficult I thought life was, but I remember just the void of not having Anthony. When I think of the feeling I got after that was finally over, I realized how patience is key to life, but I also know that while life might seem hard at some points, it is, but it’s preparing you for that next roller coaster ride.

Y’all, that DODEA mess, the second divorce, and even bad relationships, prepared me for this. Keni called me about an hour ago. Although I’m telling her I need to call her right back because my hands were full, I managed to carry all that stuff upstairs. It’s my routine. I have to prepare for her night time routine, I’m reading and studying, or grading papers. It depends on the day, the night, how I feel. But every single thing that I’ve gone through has prepared me for this moment, right now.

For almost two years, I’ve been going through HELL with her dad. I’m just being honest. I read Facebook posts about women and even men and their child’s other parents and it’s so freaking bizarre that you can be intimate with a snake and not even know it. For 20 years I’ve been a mom. For 13 of these years Mike and I have been divorced. A few days ago we talked about what our plans were for the fall for Anthony. He wants an apartment and we agreed on a few things. It took less than ten minutes and today when Anthony and I went out to dinner, he updated me on a few things. This is what coparenting looks like. We put money in a joint account for him monthly and have done this since we were married.

This craziness that I’ve encountered here is like a bad movie that you want to just get up and go get a refund for, but you kind of want to see how it’s going to end because you almost know someone is going to get deported because it’s such an easy guess. From marrying his first cousin. I had to look up the divorce decree because it’s still mind blowing; to sharing with his attorney that not only does mom have a new car, but she also has a new house (now, Mike has always supported me on whatever I needed because the big picture is if I’m going to have the child for let’s say…355 days out of the year, you would want your child living in the best, correct?) to I have federal charges pending because the military is going to charge me because I keep contacting his commander (I’m just trying to get Sedinam the help she needs) to mom is neglectful.

The matter is by far the funniest and most heartbreaking to me. The fact that an attorney would even file such motions reflect their character and their desperation for clients. So, I’m neglectful (and this is in the motion) because I moved from Nashville, TN to South Carolina to pursue a PhD. How many Black women have a PhD?? How many can say that we’re not just accepted to a PhD program, but a reputable one like University of South Carolina and it’s fully funded???? So, I’m neglectful because I want to show both of my kids that regardless of what happens in their life, they can still push forward and conquer? And the fact that me being neglectful would cause his attorney to file that motion and actually say, clients mom is willing and waiting to accept the baby. The hell? You gone take a baby that I’ve spent over 200 days in the hospital with that I work daily with ALONE might I add to give to a grandparent with medical issues, who is part of a country that doesn’t reciprocate custody laws (look up Hague convention) and does not speak English and did not raise you?? Help me make it make sense?

So, let’s go back to the first paragraph. Like, mommy, like daughter. The one thing that I’ve always had is the upmost confidence! Now, I must admit, somewhere along the way, I started driving a luxury car, but I didn’t act like it. I acted like I was in that Elantra. In 2019, one of the things I said I would have by 40 was another Audi and those that know me, know I work! Even when I was in the hospital, I worked! And beyond that, I’ve been a professional for almost 20 years! ( Y’all, side note; this is my 20th year anniversary from A&T!! Im celebrating at GHOE too… in my mind anyway. Jason??? GHOE?? It’s been awhile… want to party like it’s 1999 or was it 2006.. lol! That McDonalds parking lot? What year did we see Mike coming out the club?) ok, that was for Jason.

But seriously, tomorrow we have a hearing and I was asked by his attorneys clerk (I’m sure he is still trying to pass the bar and so wishing he could be an attorney, but I’m sure if he was, he would be disbarred and I’m still surprised the actual attorney isn’t barred, but now I do know she has a reputation for saying some of the most absurd things in court.) how do I spend my child support. I want to yell on top of the roof of the brand new home I’m living in to say, I use your child support for court fees. I use my money for daily things I do for Sedi; zoo passes, diapers (more than 26), detergent, clothes, food-play, wipes, toys. And then I think of what his attorney says during the last hearing, Mom is a liar…there is nothing wrong with baby.” She couldn’t even pronounce her name. What a sorry ass attorney that you are paying tons of money to and they can’t even respect you to say your daughters name correctly? Ok, let me get back to it.. but we have another hearing tomorrow. I mean an entire almost two years of litigation for thirty days to see her.. that dropped down to now ten days. So, help me make it make sense? A parent spends thousands (and I mean thousands) of dollars, files motions to attempt to hush me via my blogs, sends threatening emails about federal charges, but the reality is … none of this is about the child, but about “dad is embarrassed, aren’t you dad “( that was asked during the last hearing?). But nothing has been about the child.

They ask what do I do with all of the money I get for child support and the answer is I pay court fees. I’m saying this again, I’m case they are wondering…I use my child support to pay my legal fees to keep Sedinam. I sent my attorney an email saying I should set up a go fund me. I mean, I’m a full time PhD student to a daughter that requires extra attention. No one wants to admit their child has disabilities, but it’s obvious. I mean, when you are looking via zoom, maybe not because according to that dumb ass attorney “see, mom is a liar, the baby is smiling and happy and looking healthy” and then file another motion because I’m neglectful because I took the baby to her church dedication. God is working on me because I did say “ass.” But make any of this make sense.

An African man and woman who are cousins marry each other, divorce after they get their citizenship papers, never lived together, have photos with each other from kids, moms are sisters… they attempt to silence my blogs and me because what happens if this really comes out? Sedinams grandmother shares with me her sons birthday, but the date is completely different on his American citizenship papers and I celebrated the “real” birthday. He files a motion to censor me, to subpoena his commander for our emails, we are still waiting on interrogatories so we can finalize a parenting plan because he only wants to see her ten days out of 365 days. So what exactly is this litigation about? From wanting authentic papers to having me take down blogs, to possibly pretending to be commander, to wanting to reduce child support, to recording sessions, to having a law clerk that is dumb and billing you to get money.

Make it make sense! Oh! And I drive an Audi SUV. I love that car and I’ve been researching it for awhile. The same way, mommy appreciates the finer things in life, Sedi will too and I’ll teach her never to be vulnerable in front of a man she first meets because people prey. And while each and every weekend she spends an entire twenty minutes on zoom with her dad, I will continue to stay away instead of doing what I was doing which was helping her communicate with him because as much as I want my daughter to be a “regular child” she was 13 ounces and is behind. And in order to assist her, conversations can never be unimpeded because she has NO idea what she is doing and TN parenting laws (look them up) cannot apply to every child because every child is not the same.

So, where did all of this come from? Tomorrow I have a hearing and I’m pretty excited about what will come of it. Each time her dad records the zoom sessions, it’s because some dumb stuff from his attorneys mouth will be said at the hearing, so I anticipate what that will be. It’s probably “mom had the nerve to take baby to her dads Alzheimer’s facility and because of this, dad was unable to have unimpeded phone calls with daughter.” From that ten minute zoom session, so much can be revealed with a blurred background. For example, she was eating and time escaped me because I was exhausted. I’m only a full time PhD student, I’m teaching to take care of Sedinam because I don’t get child support to actually use toward her. I have to use the support for court fees and considering she cannot go to daycare and it only took my congressman to have her dad complete EFMP (look it up), and I’m waiting on a new nurse, her big brother is the one that keeps her while I have classes for three hours twice a week. Outside of that it’s Sedi and mommy and that means when I’m working (teaching) she is right there and I can see that darn Trudy twisting it. Trudy is his attorney. Mom is neglectful h because she literally works with the baby next to her. This is exactly why she should be taken away from mom and given to her grandmother who lives in Germany and is the dependent of her dad and speaks no English and has no US citizenship and would not be able to work with therapist daily and has no relationship with the baby whatsoever, but because of this blog and everything else that mom does; especially since she lives in a brand new home and has a new to ensure baby is safe, she should be taken away from mom and placed in that home to protect her from an over educated woman who would rather work and attend school and attempt to actually coparent and save money versus battle a parent who only wants to see their child ten days a year which totals … I’m sure less than 360 in 18 years … make it make sense because I can’t stop myself …

But maybe … who knows… but ….none of this makes sense and I promise to teach Sedi to be who I’ve always been before. Don’t ever lower your standards because that one time you do, you will be sick to your stomach and while the blessing is so great, the crap you have to deal with… in my case is beyond sad and ridiculous.

Here… this is just one month of court fees… emails .. about the case and I think one phone call… I’m wasting money to do what I do daily.. care for my child. Any suggestions on how I can create a go fund me? I have to be careful because I don’t want to seem as if I’m bad mouthing the coparent. I’ve been trying … and trying and from that restraining order I have to having to have a daily police drive by, to speaking with family advocacy and keeping them updated, yall a sister is tired!! And then this white woman attorney and her side kick who can’t accept he might not ever pass the bar… they getting on my nerves! I just keep wondering, what if I were that stereotypical Black woman that most believe are the norm for us?? Right, but I’m educated and I’m tired of being harassed and spending money for foolishness. How do you think she gets more than 26 diapers?

Expect lots of errors because I’m not proofreading and because I know between him and his attorney and his Ghanaian family are reading my blogs daily, I will just be censored! God is working on me and if we only get this settled, but I’m feeling pretty optimistic that it will come when she is closer to 18. I’ll finish a PhD program, raise her and we will still be going through this just because he can’t accept …whatever he can’t accept..

If only I remembered I drove a luxury car….🤪 but now I remember…😉

Oh, and I remembered the type of house I desire too…